Closing out the first week of training, The Company treated us trainees out to a Friday night happy hour and dinner at a Mexican restaurant in Rice Village. There, I met for the first time a couple of the more veteran employees. It was the first chance I'd gotten to meet any of the employees outside of my own training class.
The Company organizes new hires like a fraternity; we each get assigned to a Big Brother type of mentor, with whom we're supposedly going to develop a bonding relationship and receive guidance from.
My mentor, Gotti, is a dude with bleached, spiked hair and a very defined goatee. He says "dude" and "fuck" between every other word, so I assume we're going to get along just fine. That, and he called me a bitch for originally declining his offer to hop to another bar to drink.
I ain't a bitch, though, so I took up on it.
I met another guy, Lean -- a brawny Asian fellow that didn't work for The Company, but apparently knew enough of the employees to join their nights out. Lean was a cool cat with a level of confidence that just made him likeable. He had the whole shoulders back, chin up posture going on. He was an alpha male if I'd ever met one.
From the Village, I bummed a ride with Lean to a bar in Midtown with a Western theme. The bar was wooden brown from floor to ceiling, and there were saddles and longhorn skulls as decors plastered all over the walls. Stepping in, I half-expected to find a mechanical riding bull.
The crowd, however, was nothing like the place. It was a college crowd and young professional hangout, with diverse groups occupying every corner.
As soon as we stepped through the doors, everyone completely separated ways. This is uncommon to me because when I go to places with my usual friends, we swarm the bar together and pretty much stick together the whole night as a single group. Lean and Gotti took a part-ways-and-do-your-own-thing approach.
I kind of like it.
-
I caught sight of Lean a little later in the night; he was running game on a married woman. As I stood off to the side, finishing up a drink, I saw her in the corner of my eyes lean over and give him a peck on the lips.
She pulled back abruptly and gasped, "Oh God! I'm married!"
Lean replied in a suave, nonchalant manner -- almost reflexively, like the way someone responds "you're welcome" to a "thank you." He responded, "It's okay, I'm wearing chapstick. That one didn't count."
The married woman calmed almost instantaneously, "Oh, okay." Then she proceeded to lean in for another kiss.
I couldn't believe it! I had pretty much witnessed the entire thought process of this lady at work. She was spazzing out, thinking, Oh God! Oh God! I'm married! I shouldn't be doing this! And all it took was some cool, suave response -- even with the stupidest justification ever -- and it shut her mind the fuck off. Lean was motherfucking pimp!
I made a mental note to start carrying around chapsticks. Because if chapsticks don't count, I can get away with anything.
-
I was wandering around with Liger, a fellow trainee, when we found a booth in a corner occupied by four girls. And no dudes.
As I walked by, three of the girls were posing together in the seat while one aimed her camera.
"Why don't you jump in the picture?" I said to her, "Here, I'll take it."
"Really?" she handed me the camera, "Hey, thanks!" The four got together and made their crazy poses and stupid faces that girls love to do when they see a camera.
One of the girls, a sexy blonde in a smoking red shirt, made an O-face at the camera.
"That face," I said to her, as I showed her the screen, "That is an awesome face!"
She laughed and mocked up another O-face in response.
"Hey, chill out," I stopped her, "We just met; don't start fakin' it just yet."
She laughed again and thanked me for the photo.
"So, what's the occasion?" I asked, purposefully in an inaudible tone.
"What?" she leaned over the gap.
I closed the gap, placed a hand on the small of her back and held her to the side of my face, "What's the occasion? You guys are pullin' out all the stops, girls night out, with the camera flashin' and all!"
"I just graduated!" she exclaimed, doing a jittery hand dance.
"No shit? Me too!"
"Where from?" she inquired.
"Houston."
"Oh my God, me too!"
And just like that, instant rapport. If only all pick-ups were that easy.
As we spoke, though, I noticed Liger had dropped himself into limbo, lingering nearby silently, not quite part of the group, but not quite apart from it either. Fucking IT people -- I'd forgotten how socially inept they can be.
"Let me introduce you to my friend," I said to the girl and waved Liger over, "This is Liger, a friend of mine. We're co-workers." They shook hands, and Liger looked relieved to finally be moved into the foreground.
I turned away and let the two talk -- there were four girls, after all. Almost immediately, one of the other girls took hold of me. "Oh my God!" she blurted to her friends, "This one is so cute!"
I gave her a weirded out look; she was obviously inebriated beyond inhibition, but she was pretty cute. I went from the sexy one to the drunk one -- fuck it, I'm not picky.
"You are so cute yourself," I said and threw an arm around her, "What's your name?"
Her name was Elizabeth. She asked for mine. "Lucky," I responded.
"Lucky?" she repeated.
"Yeah, Lucky. Like the dalmation, only cuter."
Her eyes lit up, "Oh my God! Yes! You are so cute!" She wrung both arms around me, "Oh my God! I am keeping you!" It was kind of like Elmyra from Tiny Toons, except I was bigger than her. And not furry.
-
I isolated Elizabeth, and we went to the bar. We talked a bit, but conversation was pretty hopeless because she was just too drunk to carry on very long without mentioning how cute she thought I was. So, we just settled into a make-out session.
Not too long into our session, a few of my co-workers interrupted us. Lean was taking off and had been looking for me.
"Lemme take you back to your friends," I told Elizabeth.
We walked back to the booth, and found her recently-graduated friend sitting by herself in the corner, bored. Liger had abandoned her.
Obviously, the night out had been in celebration of her graduation, and so upon seeing her friend alone and bored, Elizabeth immediately went to her side. And just like that, I'd been shut out.
When I said my goodbye's, they waved me off without a second thought. No close.
-
I reconvened with Lean, and he gave me a gesture of approval for the make-out session. I applauded his work with the married woman. But I didn't let him know I hadn't closed.
On the way out, I found Liger.
"What happened to you?" I asked, "You left that chick all alone, man! She was sa-mokin'!"
"I dunno, man," he shrugged, "Where'd you go? You left me all alone with her, I didn't know what to do!"
Fucking IT folks. So fucking antisocial.
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