Good God, You're Dragging It Out

Ms. X called me out of the blue midday Saturday. She asked me what I'd be doing for the Halloween weekend. I told her of a club I'd be for a costume party and Seelo's birthday. She told me she'd try to get some friends to go and that we might see each other there.

I finished the conversation with an unenthusiastic, "Awesome. Hope to see you there."

I never actually expected to see her there.

-

I picked Cardigan up early in the evening and stopped at Don's apartment for some pre-drinking. Cardigan was dressed up as Little Red Riding Hood. I took shots of Goose in quick succession, and Don, Plucker, Wall, Cardigan, and I headed out to the party.

Ms. X called me on the ride out, "I don't think my friends are gonna make it, but I really wanna go. Do you think you can scoop me up?"

I had Cardigan in the passenger seat, and Ms. X was my high school girl. She's that one girl that guys always bring up when they talk about their history. The only smart and logical thing to do was to not pick her up.

"Yea," I replied, "Sure, no problem."

I don't know if it was the vodka talking, or if I really wanted to see her that bad.

-

As soon as I saw Ms. X, I wish I hadn't. She was wearing a strapless black dress, short on her thighs. Her hair had been done up all fancy the way I used to love when we were still in high school. Absolutely gorgeous.

And I honestly found myself wishing that Cardigan was not in the car.

Needless to say, the car ride was silent and awkward. I hadn't even bothered to introduce the two girls to each other. And to make matters worse, I actually missed an exit, which consequently made the ride about twenty minutes longer than it needed to be.

-

Then, I ditched her.

I didn't know what else to do, but the ride had just been too awkward. As soon as we set foot in the club, I took Cardigan and bolted into the crowd, leaving Ms. X by herself.

I found Seelo's party, and Cardigan and I spent the rest of the night around my old boys from the Wood. We never saw Ms. X for the remainder of the night. She called, assumingly to find me, but I never answered.

Ultimately, she bumped into her friends -- or so she told me -- and insisted that it would be more convenient if they take her home instead.

-

I called Ms. X the next morning to apologize. I'd been an asshole.

"I just..." she said in a soft, whiney voice on the phone, "I dunno, I just never saw you at all the whole night..."

"I know, I know," I said apologetically, "It's just that it got really hectic. You know how it is." I was lying. I did it on purpose, and I had left her stranded at the club. "Maybe next time. Next time, I'll be more ... accomodating."

"Maybe," she said.

I truly don't want things to be awkward when I'm with her. I tell myself that it was bad timing -- that I was with a girl, that I was partying with all the old boys we knew back in high school, the same guys that know what we were and what we had done. But I don't know if things can ever not be awkward.

And I find myself wondering to myself, if things had been different -- if it weren't for Cardigan in the passenger seat, if it weren't for the boys from the Wood, if it were any other night, under any other circumstances, would it have been different? Would I have manned up? Would I have been more ... accomodating?