And last night, we drank to mourn.
After the game, the boys and I went downtown to an up-class club for some girl or another's birthday. Bouncers in tuxedos and everything. The crowd inside was great; probably the best club atmosphere I've ever been in, though that's not saying much since I'm not much of a club-goer. There were cute girls. Lots of cute girls. Everywhere.
And I didn't approach a single one.
Ever since I received a copy of Neil Strauss's The Game for a late Christmas present, I've been more analytical with myself in social situations. I've come to the realization that I don't have alpha-male confidence when I'm with my boys. I'm not a natural as a couple of people have hinted to me; I was completely socially inept and awkward before I met these guys. My social skills and confidence is only a result of having the luxury of growing up and being in daily contact with a handful of guys who are naturals. Inadvertently, when I'm in large social gatherings with the boys, my confidence dwindles, and I regress into a shy, diffident wallflower. In a sense, I almost look up to these guys, and as a result, I'm unintentionally AMOGed by them.
The result isn't entirely undesired, however. The confidence that rubs off from being around naturals my entire life carries with me when I'm with other crowds. When I'm with Titty and Plucker, for instance, I'm the alpha male. Under those circumstances, I have much more success both socially and sexually.
But those weren't the circumstances last night. And in a room full of beautiful women, I could not find the cojones to approach a single one.
-
Rabbit called me as I was on my way home, with the morning slowly encroaching. Rabbit is one of those girls that build walls around themselves and sabotage their relationships for fear of being hurt. Her relationships invariably fail and she keeps an emotionally uninvested guy around to distract her in her downtime. It's one of those downtimes again.
Apparently, this weekend was prom weekend for some high schools. Her younger brother attended his prom and proceeded to go to an after-party, where he got trashed and couldn't drive himself home. She asked if I could help pick him up and drive him in his car home.
I rendezvoused with the both at a diner, where I switched cars and drove the kid's car back to his parents' place. Then, I hopped in Rabbit's car, but instead of going back to my car, we decided to go to her apartment instead.
There, I found my cojones.
I also found whiskey dick. To be wholly correct, it wasn't exactly whiskey dick per se. I managed to get the erection, no problem. The problem was in the delivery.
I don't know what it is about alcohol, but I've always known it had an effect on a person's sexual performance. Up until last night, those effects had always been desirable. I don't know or care about any of the scientific explanations, but for me, consuming alcohol into a mild drunkenness helps my endurance. My guess is that the alcohol slightly numbs the senses so I'm able to continue a while longer before orgasm. In fact, I enjoy having sex for the first time with a girl under the influence. It helps my performance, and after the first time, you're really not as nervous or excited about it the second time.
But last night, the effects were far from desired.
I'm not a marathon runner. After about twenty minutes, I started to worry. I wasn't getting that tingling sensation where I know I can jizz at will. So I started to work harder. We switched positions and I took the reins, and I fucked the hell out of this bitch. I couldn't understand it. What the fuck was wrong with me? How was I sober enough to drive a car and yet too drunk to come?
I don't know how long we were at it. I lost feeling in my left leg after some time, as if blood circulation had been cut off. I tried everything; I sped up my breathing, I tried to hold my breath, I imagined porno filcks, I yelled at her, spanked her ass, pulled her hair, we switched up positions at least half a dozen times. When I gave up, the sun was coming up, we were drenched in each other's sweat, she had an almost frightened look on her face, and we had both stopped any talking or moaning or making any noise at all, just hell-bent on reaching the promised land. I could not achieve coital ejaculation.
Needless to say, we did not have morning-after sex. And I did not stay around for breakfast.
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